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August 08 I cannot stand not knowing, It tears me up inside.
Each and every night, a part of me, it dies.
Unfortunatley, I do not know nor understand why...
A world so colourful, a mind so black
But unless I tell you,
You won't know that colours I lack.
I've cursed these thoughts, and all the same, I have cursed myself.
Unwilling to allow happiness, and sadly waiting alone
I want it to be known, I want you to understand
I want to see these colours, please give me your hand.
August 02 Teary eyed, my world begins to blurr
Cold, my body begins to shake
Silently, I remember what was...
I ran away from what I knew
I left it all behind,
Even you...
Dear Love,
I wanted to see if I could live without them.
Wanted to see if they'd just let me leave.
My demons should not concern you.
My past shouldn't lie with you.
I ran away from what I knew
I left it all behind,
Even you...
I'm writting you this letter.
Tell you for one last time.
I love you.
But I needed to start over
So..
I ran away from what I knew
I left it all behind,
Even you...
July 07 Usually, I start off saying the first thought that comes into mind. Which usually is the opening of my of any poem. But, you see.. todays diffrent... today I have so much more. More than one thought, here I lay the past couple of days.
Day in and day out, you've been all over my mind
I say this with sadness, because to me..
It feel like a crime.
I feel as if I've gone against my own will.
One or two, one or two.
These numbers mean so much to me,
More than anybody will ever know.
I thought I got passed my own stubborn mind
Now, I see I lied the entire time.
June 27
Today, the sands of time have stoped
No longer can time pass us by
Always asking for more time
Never feeling like what we have is enough
Our constant nagging has broken the hourglass
Along the sides, you'll find the cracks
Through the cracks, we lost sand
Time.
Our life slipping between the cracks
With time at a stand still
The threads of life have begun to unravel
Without time, the threads have no length
And with that, no purpose
So those who thought their needs were everything
Have lost that in which they asked for
They've lost their time
And inturn, their livesJune 21 Words of another, flow through my mind
I want nothing more than to share
Give what I know to the world
I go to open my mouth, and he shuts his
Two mouths, one mind, or so it seems
To each a half
And to each the right, to withhold
Their words, and inner most thoughts
It seems that what I know
Should not be shared
In trust, this knowledge was bestowed upon me
And in faith, I wait
One day, the words of another
Will in turn become my own. June 03
Twinkle, Twinkle little one,
Someday soon you'll come undone.
How I wonder when that'll be,
Then you'll know its because of me.
Up above this stupid lie,
Soon you'll fall, soon you'll die.
Like a diamond in my ring,
You were crushed, now you sing...
"Twinkle, Twinkle little one,
It was me, I came undone" May 18
Staring straight into despair, I sit, I wait.
Right behind me, you think, you stare.
I give the razor, you stop, you wait.
Upon my arm you place it, I sit, I bear...
The pain.
I feel nothing but a pinch, you look, you stare.
Blood begins to seep through, I laugh, you dare..
Gasp at what you've done, I sit, aware..
That I bleed.
With you finger, you wipe, the blood,
You sit, you stare.
Upon your finger it rests. open, your mouth
Taste me now. May 16 I've done my time,
Leaving this place...
Somethings blocking myway.
I can't go up, I can't go down.
I'm inbetween...
I'm a wandering soul.
There is nothing more I can do,
But I leave this plea,
It will linger in the air.
"Find me... Take me home."
Which way is home for you? May 15 I just realized, I have a dilemma.
I want you, more than you know
I like you, more than you know
I love you, more than you know.
I am talking about more than one,
All these thoughts are making come undone.
I have to choose between two,
But all I really want is you.
I have new choices, I have three.
Someone help me, I just want me.
Each choice, every lie.
Stays with me, I don't know why.
It tears me apart, it makes me think
In this reality, I don't want to blink...
Pulled me in so many directions,
You've got me seeing a shrink. May 10
Walked a path, but it was blurred,
I wanted to see further, wanted to know what lies ahead..
But it was dark. I was restricted, limited to see only what I wanted.
So, to justify myself and put my mind at ease,
I toke a step forward and sunk, I sunk to the depths of myself.
To where my mind is clouded, and the road unclear.
There is some place, somewhere I've never been
Yet, its the same. It looks like everything I've ever seen.
Colourless, and dull.
I've progressed farther down this road,
Discovered new truths, But now I'm ready to overload.
But now I see, what I've missed,
I can see what clouds my mind, and dulls my vision.
There is light that guides me down this path.
But...
The way you've choosen is diffrent.
It is lit by nothing more than hate.
April 18 A shadow is always black,
No other way it can be.
But, you see. I'm special.
The rules don't apply to me.
My shadow is not black,
My world is not grey.
Everthing I see,
Is what courses within me.
The world around is red.
I walk down the street,
Leaving a red silouette by my feet.
My shadow was once black,
My world was once grey.
But now I realize,
I miss it everyday.
Ever feel like you see things diffrently, and wish you saw it the same as everyone else? April 17 Its not funny.
Stop laughing at me.
Its not funny.
My life is not your game.
Its not funny.
I just need to find meself
Its not funny.
Who are you really laughing at?
This is sad.
I used to look up to you.
This is sad.
All I wanted was to talk to you.
This is sad.
A connection was lost.
This is sad.
Who is really lost?
Its funny, you say all these things
Yet, its sad..
Because you say them in the mirror.
Have you ever had a day, where every thing seemed like a dream? Everyone looks the same? Nothing is real and everything is sad? April 10
.eightball. -- says:
Kevin is pretty cool, he's down to earth... he has a better connection than us.
Undecided. says:
Us!?
Undecided. says:
As in...
Undecided. says:
You and ME!?
Undecided. says: *GASp*
Undecided. says: *Broken Heart*
Undecided. says: *Wilted Rose*
Undecided. says:
You know why!?
Undecided. says:
Cause he has a DICK!
.eightball. -- says:
lmfao!!!
.eightball. -- says:
Well we can't say much for Jesse, now can we?
"If I pee on my way home...you know you I’m gonna blame?"
"...You’re bitch?"
"YEAH! JESSE!" April 09 I've expressed each word,
Unleashed each thought,
Uneathed my feelings.
Yet somehow...
My words have lost their meaning,
My thoughts have become senseless,
My feelings were always empty
Bu tatleast now I know.
I used to write to express my feelings
I used to write to scream and shout,
I used to write to releave my stress
...I used to write.
Now it seems there is no more,
I've already shut the door.
My words, my thought, my feelings...
Empty expressions,
They're all the same. April 08
While tension builds, and senses fail
Peace is all we want
You've tried to hang yourself.
You've tried to slit your wrists.
With each attempt you were stopped by someone who cared
But we couldn't help you this time...
Rather than hurt yourself, you looked for peace
In the only places you knew..
In the water, where tension leaves
In the air, where all is free
Under ground, there is no more.
Now we are left without you
But we remember, how you were
We remember, what you've been through
We remember you, in all your happiness.
A journey has begun...
April 04
In the darkness, I have found the light
But I am surounded, and still I fight
Within the forest, I am lost.
As fear rushes over me,
Taking me by surprise
The light begins to leave
And hatred fills my eyes.
Its all I see...
I can't seem to get past it,
I know there is more to come
But it seems I am being controled,
I can't seem to figure out who
Or Why?
So at night is when I hide
In the dark is where I stay.
The darkess is part of me
Yet its in the darkness, I fear.
Shine yourself upon me,
Show me your light,
Through the tree still I see
When the moons comes out at night. March 31
They hang among these branches
Pushed out and into the world
But they become something diffrent.
They aren't really their own.
They all look the same, no one wants to stand out
So when seasons change
And life comes to its end
Only then do they show themselves.
So they push it out,
Away...
They push away the pigment
And lose all their green
They are no longer ashamed
Because of what they've seen
They've seen the colours changing
What beauty lies inside
But its sad they realize,
Just before they die.
No longer holding back
They say with one last cry
"I want to show my colours,
Its my way to say good bye." March 24
Lost in my mind, stuck in reverse
These past memories are nothing,
But a curse.
I've tried to let them go,
I've tried to make things right
But something always goes wrong,
No matter how hard I fight.
Why? Why do I let this continue?
I've suffered through depression
I've left this in my mind.
Although I could tell you,
You know just what you'll find.
Memories of things forgotten,
Memories of things gone rotten...
I'm sorry there is nothing more I can do...
If there will be a change, I leave it up to you
March 21
Time ages us, showing our true colour
It breaks free, showing whats within me
Inside my soul, within my heart
This knowledge is tearing me apart.
My heart is cold, my soul is black
Now I know there is no turning back
The colour radiates from my skin
Though it started, from a lie deep within.
Without knowing it
I began a lie...
I let you believe that we'd be friends
When this is really where the story ends.
For now...
Another chapter, another lie
Maybe someday I'll give you another try
For today and for a while
Your case will stay on trial. March 01 To sadden my eyes
And fill me with tears
Stand out and cry
Don't let life pass you by
A single tear finds its way
Now I know without a doubt
What times of changed..
Don't come without.
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